When i was ten years old, i was attacked by Satan. you can dismiss me now, if you like—but i remember it as real as i'm writing this blog right now. He took on an impish form with a tail. He woke me from a sound sleep, sitting on my chest, glaring at me, teasing me with smooth words.
"I'm coming for you," he said grinning at me. "I'm gonna deal with you. You cannot get away."
i tried to scream for my mother, but the sound would not crack from my throat. my lungs were heavy, as though i had expunged all the air from them. He taunted me all the more.
i thought, "if i could just wake up!" but it was painfully clear i was already awake.
hopelessly i tried to call out to G_d. ( I didn't know his name then) but i was only answered with hideous laughter. He knew what i was thinking. he teased me for a few more minutes and then left as easily as he came. laughing at me, he hissed, "I'll see ya around buddy. I'll be back."
It was summer and it was the week of vacation bible school. i couldn't wait to tell the youth pastor about what had happened the previous night. i thought for sure, he'd be able to help me with the issue. To my embarrassment, i made the mistake of telling him in front of a room full of my peers. They all laughed outright and scoffed. Even the pastor dismissed me as having an overactive and vivid imagination. i can remember feeling so hurt by their reaction. i learned then to keep the experience to myself. but then the young pastor said something to me that i would never forget.
"If it ever happens again," he said in a very comforting tone, "you tell him, in the name of J_sus and by the power of the Holy spirit, to get away from you. because you are covered by the blood of the Lamb of G-d. Because of that, Satan can have no power over you." i have carried that with me to this day.
Growing up, my parents didn't make a big issue of going to church. They didn't force church on my brothers and i, because i think they knew that there is something fundamentally wrong with the religious system. But if we wanted to go to church, they encouraged it. They themselves jumped around from one denomination to another, on and off again from time to time, during my formative years, so i have been given some experience within the gamut of the Christian community.
when i was sixteen, i was confronted again. i was awakened to the sound of my own screaming, oddly enough i was the only one who heard it. i was shreeking "Satan!!! Satan!!!" it was in my head. i told myself, "shut up, or he'll come!" but he was already here. i woke up, having soaked my sheets through with sweat. my tongue was cleaving to the roof of my mouth. i was dehydrated like i have never felt in my life. i felt as though i was burning alive in my own skin. i got out of the bed to go to the kitchen for a glass of water. i was so thirsty. my skin was crawling. i looked around to see if he was anywhere to be seen. he was right in front of me. he looked like me. he looked exactly like me—but his eyes were hollow, empty, cold. it was as if the light had been utterly extinguished from his eyes.
he tried to seduce me into following him. he offered me everything my young mind had ever wished for or dreamed. all he wanted was my allegiance. i refused. he sweetened the offer with greater empty promises than even i could have conceived. again i refused. he walked along with me as i made my way to the kitchen to get a drink. it was so hot, and i was so thirsty. he made more and more offers as i drank. i remember how the water evaporated as it touched my tongue. i was beginning to feel quite distressed. i was so thirsty and i could get no relief. i turned to go back to my room. my mother was standing in the doorway to her bedroom, watching me talk to the advisary. she said, "you kids go back to bed." she saw both of us.
i turned to him and he smiled as if to say, "this is no dream, this is for real."
as i walked back to my room, i said aloud, "you have no power over me! in the name of J_sus! and by the power of the holy spirit! get behind me Satan!! i am a child of G_d!
he laughed and scoffed, "so be it, child of G_d!!!" and with that he was gone.
The unholy heat i felt subsided, my extreme thirst subdued. i was utterly exhausted. then, i felt the presence of YHWH with me. as if he was ministering to me from that point. i drifted back to sleep with no fear in me. i was delivered from the tempter and the tormentor.
since that time, i have only been physically confronted by the advisary one other time. and that is an experience i have only ever shared with the woman who is now my wife. and that is the way it will remain.
Ever since that time it has been as though i have been walking with Elohim. i have not always behaved righteously. But i do know that his presence has always been with me, correcting me, watching over me. from that time, i have been able to hear his voice in my ears. it was very faint at first. but as i have grown in my faithfulness, (obedience) to his word i can hear him more clearly all the time. He tells me, "This is the way, walk in it."
no experience in any church will ever give me that kind of clarity or depth of relationship. no clergy member, pastor, priest, bishop, or deacon will ever be able to even understand the relationship experience i have with my creator—much less give me clearer perspective on it. they are merchants selling wares in a place where only love should be given —freely.
he has brought me in and out of various churches over the years, not necessarily to learn but to teach about his love for his people, not the business of churchianity. at this time, he has called me out of churches completely. i have been blessed to be an instrument of his devotion to his people Israel. i am currently with an assembly of believers— who worship biblically— as in "Old Testament." Theres really nothing "old" about it. if you really want to call it something you can call it "re-newed." call me a legalist or a judaizer if you like, but there are twelve tribes of Israel, and at one time they all worshiped according to the Torah. When they stopped worshiping according to Torah they were dispersed. Torah is what separates Israel from the nations. If you want to be included in the inheritance of the chosen people, you must learn to obey YHWH not some guy on a pulpit.
If you are ever personally attacked by satan, it's because YHWH finds you to be particularly important to his purpose and his glory. so remember, if you call on YHWH's Name, the enemy has no power over you. If you have received Messiah as you savior, the enemy cannot touch you. Do not fall for the wiles of the tempter. You have a higher calling. when you call upon the name of Elohim, he will answer, he will deliver you. Keep fighting your fight Qodeshim. You are glorious.
shalom Aleichem
No comments:
Post a Comment